


In the Lap of a God

by Tari_Sue



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Greek Mythology, Greek Mythology - Freeform, M/M, side pairing: Gwen/Morgana
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10050377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tari_Sue/pseuds/Tari_Sue
Summary: In which Apollo absolutely does not fancy hismanservantMessenger





	1. In the Lap of a God

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by an idea from the wonderful [Clea2011](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Clea2011/pseuds/Clea2011), wherein all the Merlin characters are Greek Gods. The Magnificent [Merlocked18](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlocked18/pseuds/Merlocked18) and the fabulous [LFB72](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LFB72/pseuds/LFB72) have done some wonderful art of Merlin as Hermes that I'm really hoping they will let me link to!
> 
> Art:   
> [Cheeky Boy by LFB72](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10053806)  
> [Chariots of fire by LFB72](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10118825)  
> [I See You Baby, shakin' that ass by LFB72](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10269350)  
> [Sweet Dreams by LFB72](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10400784)
> 
> and [I am so in Love by Merlocked18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10652223)

“Hermes! Hermes!” Apollo looked around trying to see his lazy messenger.

“He’s not here,” Artemis, said from the doorway as she propped her bow up against the wall. “He’s on an errand for father.” She kicked her shoes off and went over to help herself to Apollo’s drink.

“He is the most lazy, incompetent messenger I have ever come across.” Apollo dropped gracefully into a chair and scowled. 

“That’s why you keep him around? I think maybe you just like watching his backside when he leaves.” She tossed her long black hair over her shoulder and smirked at him 

“Shut up.” 

“You called?” Hermes came through the door and promptly tripped over Artemis’s shoes and landed in Apollo’s lap. 

“Idiot,” Apollo said with his arms suddenly full of messenger boy.

“Clotpole,” Hermes shot back, apparently not in too much of a hurry to right himself. 

“I need you to take this note to Athene.” Apollo held out the message.

Hermes looked at the note like it might bite him and climbed off Apollo, the same tight look on his face he always wore when Apollo mentioned the pretty curly-haired goddess of wisdom.

“What is that look for? I thought Athene was your friend?”

“Of course she is. Give me the letter, Dollophead.”

“ _Her_ mes, you really can’t talk to me like that!”

Hermes stuck his tongue out and disappeared out the door. Apollo definitely did not admire Hermes’s toned little bottom or shapely long legs as he he left the room.

“Honestly, when are you two going to stop this farce? You are fooling nobody.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Brother dear, you are using my girlfriend to make him jealous.”

Apollo sighed. “He’s just so… imperfect.”

Artemis muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like “Perfectly Imperfect, more like.”


	2. Goodness Gracious Great Wheels of Fire!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Apollo gets jealous of Dionysus and shows Hermes his manliness by hefting burning Chariot Wheels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Chariots of Fire](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10118825) by LFB72

As per Artemis’s instructions, Apollo was ‘stopping mooning over Hermes and doing something about it™’. Admittedly, Artemis had also said to ‘write him some of that drippy poetry you love so much’, but Apollo had had a better idea.

The All-Gods Chariot Race should have been the perfect time for Apollo to show Hermes just exactly what he’d been missing. Apollo excelled at things like this, showing off his brains and his brawn, beating all the other puny competitors. He hadn’t counted on his sister, however. Or rather, he hadn’t counted on his sister's cohort, that kohl-eyed blonde bitch Nemesis. 

And now, as his precious Sun Chariot was in bits and everyone else flew past him, there was no way in Olympus that he was going to impress the object of his desire. He was supposed to be all manly and win this race so Hermes would fall at his feet and beg to be tupped by the greatest God Olympus had ever known!

He glanced over, trying to spot Hermes in the crowd. There he was – sitting next to that drunken reprobate Dionysus, of course. Dionysus had his arm slung around Hermes, like it was his right! The scruffy, beardy, long-haired sot had better not be doing anything more with Apollo’s Messenger boy than that… The pair of them wolf-whistled as the demi-god Heracles sped past Apollo.

Glowering, Apollo turned to move the wreckage of his once-fine chariot. The wheels were still flaming as he hoisted them up and considered lobbing them at Nemesis. Turning, he found Hermes staring at something, mouth slightly open. Frowning, Apollo turned and looked behind him. Finding nothing that could have made Hermes look like that, he turned back.

Hermes was still staring.

Apollo tilted his head to one side and raised an enquiring eyebrow. A bright blush stole across Hermes’s face. Ha! He’d been staring at Apollo! 

Apollo smirked to himself as he set about righting his chariot. Dionysus be damned, he was definitely in there.


	3. Pants on Fire!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Apollo has to drag Hermes away from a bad influence at the tavern, and Hermes takes advantage of his position…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to the wonderful LFB72 for this fabulous art! [ I See You Baby, Shakin That Ass](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10269350)

Hermes was spending entirely too much time with that scruffy drunken layabout Dionysus. 

The sun rolled behind the clouds as Apollo watched, seething to see Dionysus’s hand come to rest on Hermes’s waist, entirely too close to that shapely little backside. Who did he think he was, coming in here, pawing at what was Apollo’s? Plying him with alcohol too – he must know Hermes was a lightweight! 

Hermes’s suddenly gave a full body laugh at something Dionysus said, knocking his Caduceus staff (the one Apollo had given him!) on the floor in the process. He stood to retrieve it and his tunic rode up even higher as he bent over to pick it up, exposing that toned little bottom to all and sundry. He glanced over his shoulder as he straightened up, catching sight of Apollo and smirking as he adjusted his clothing. The effect was rather ruined when he drunkenly crashed into Dionysus as he reclaimed his seat.

Apollo stalked over to the pair, channelling the full majesty of his status as sun god to glower at them. 

“So this is where you’ve been hiding? In the tavern yet again!” He turned and sneered at Hermes’s companion. Dionysus was completely blotto, as usual. “I’m sure you have more important things to be doing than wasting time with this lush.”

“Nope, I’ve done everything I had to do today.” Hermes giggled and hiccoughed, glancing up at Apollo through his eyelashes, which he proceeded to bat like he had something in his eye.

“Well, the Augean stables still need mucking out.”

“’m not actually your servant!” Hermes said with about as much indignation as he could muster, which was about as much as a kitten. “Get Heracles to do it, he loves doing pointless tasks to show off his muscles, he doesn’t even wear sleeves!”

“Ah, that Heracles is mighty fine though, don’t you think?” Dionysus chipped in, a drunken leer on his face as he no doubt pictured Heracles’s over-developed muscles and too-tallness. “Leave Hermes be, Princess. He’s just having a little drinky with me.” At this Dionysus looped an arm around Hermes and pulled him closer. “Why don’t you join us? Take that stick out of your arse and sit down? Leave room up your arse for other things then.”

“What did you just say?”

“He’s getting all macho and brooding now, I love it when he does that!” Hermes said to Dionysus in a very loud whisper.

“You know, other things,” Dionysus said, helpfully, waggling his eyebrows and nodding at Hermes. “If you fancy Hermes here, why not just tell him and shag him already?”

“I do not fancy Hermes!”

“Liar,” Dionysus practically sang at him.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” Hermes joined in.

“Hermes, you’re drunk. Come with me, I’m taking you home.”

“Ooh, promishes promishes.” Hermes attempted a drunken leer. he failed.

“Fine, if that’s how you want it.” Apollo advanced on an unresisting Hermes.

“What are you going to do, spank me?” If anything, Hermes looked rather… hopeful…

“Oh, I think that can definitely be arranged.” Apollo picked a giggling Hermes up and threw him over his shoulder, placing a firm smack on the pert little bottom that was now alarmingly close to his face. Hermes yelped and wiggled, the little wings on his sandals fluttering. 

The next thing Apollo knew, there was a resounding smack to his own backside from the still giggling Hermes. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Apollo yelped, attempting to manoeuvre his rear away from Hermes’s hands. 

“I think your pants look hot!” Hermes replied, still giggling. “I’m putting out the fire!” He proceeded to pound his hands on Apollo’s divine rump like he was playing the bongos. "Bop bop bop."

“Will you two get a room already?” Dionysus piped up, flicking his long hair over his shoulder. “Unless you’re planning on letting me join the fun?”

Apollo glared at him and left the tavern as quickly as possible, his prize still trying to play bongos on his bum.


	4. Man oh man it hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hermes has a hangover and Apollo is misunderstood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written to accompany the wonderful art, [Sweet Dreams](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10400784) by LFB72

Apollo tried to shut the door quietly so as not to wake Hermes. Another successful sunrise, he was so much better at this than Helios.

“Good morning!” Artemis said loudly, making him jump.

“What are you doing here?” he hissed, glancing over to his bedroom where no doubt Hermes was still asleep.

“I live here too, you know. The moon is gone for the day, I’m going to bed.” Artemis looked over at his closed bedroom door. “Oh my, did someone get lucky last night?” 

“That is none of your business.”

“You’ve got Hermes in there, haven’t you?” She smirked at him. “You sly old dog! Did he live up to expectations?”

“I am not having this conversation with you! Now keep quiet or you’ll wake him up.” He folded his arms across his chest and glared at her.

“Aww, diddums, did you wear him out?”

“Shut up, Artemis!”

A loud knock on the door immediately preceded the arrival of Dionysus, who unfairly showed absolutely no signs for being worse for wear.

“Apollo, my man, don’t suppose you happen to be harbouring a certain hungover messenger do you? I have his hat and stick thingy, he left them in the tavern.” Dionysus said far too loudly.

“I knew it!” Artemis crowed. 

“It’s not like that!” Apollo said in a loud whisper, attempting to motion with his hands for them to keep quiet.

“I doubt Herms was awake long enough for Apollo’s needs anyway,” Dionysus said with a snort.

“Wait, did you take advantage of him?” Artemis turned on Apollo, eyes blazing.

“No!” He involuntarily backed away from her

“Apollo, if you did anything to that poor boy whilst he was inebriated, so help me, I’ll…” She advanced towards him, the look in her eye promising murder.

“I didn’t!” The backs of his legs hit the chair and he could retreat no further.

“He was pretty far gone, princess.” The shit-stirring smirk on Dionysus’s face made Apollo want to smack it.

“Oh, Apollo, how could you?” Artemis thumped her hand against his chest.

“I thought you only cared about girls being taken advantage of!” Apollo knew that was the wrong thing to say before the words had even finished forming.

“So you did!” She was raining down blows on his chest now, and she was a lot stronger than she looked.

“No!” He attempted to fend her off to no avail and ended up falling back onto the chair.

“I’m sure Hermes wouldn’t have minded.” Dionysus seemed to be enjoying this far too much.

“That’s not the point!” Artemis turned her glare on Dionysus, but for some reason he seemed immune to her witchcraft.

“NOTHING HAPPENED!” Apollo bellowed.

“What’s all the noise about?”

Hermes was standing in the doorway to Apollo’s bedchamber looking thoroughly ravished, his thick black curls standing up every which way, draped in a bed sheet which he had clutched together at the side. Apollo groaned and dropped his head into his hands. Artemis stuck him round the head.

“Nothing happened! I swear!” he groaned into his hands.

“Oh cool, you brought my stuff!” Hermes pulled the sheet tighter around himself, which quite frankly did nothing to hide anything, and shuffled forward to grab his helmet and caduceus from Dionysus. “What?” he asked as he glanced up and saw everyone staring at him.

“Hermes, I swear, I will castrate Apollo for taking advantage of you.” Artemis enveloped Hermes in an uncharacteristic hug. Hermes response was somewhat muffled by her bosom.

“I was drunk too, where’s my hug?” Dionysus leered suggestively at her. 

“Touch my sister and I will break every bone in your body.” Apollo raised his head just enough to glare at his friend. Ex-friend.

“I don’t need the likes of you to defend me.” Artemis glared over at Apollo as Hermes started to flail a bit in her arms.

Dionysus shot Apollo a triumphant look. 

She turned her glare on Dionysus too. “I’m perfectly capable of destroying him myself.”

“Any chance you could let my friend there breathe?” Dionysus enquired, gesturing to Hermes.

“Oh, sorry, Hermes.” She let him go and ruffled his hair.

“What’s Apollo supposed to have done?” Hermes finally asked once he regained his breath.

“He took advantage of you!”

“Did he? And I missed it?” A slightly disappointed look came over Hermes’s face.

“Oh for goodness sake! I’m the fucking god of the sun, I have plenty of willing partners throwing themselves at me all the time, I do not need to take advantage of skinny drunk messengers! Nothing happened!”

Hermes looked a little hurt. “Right, well that’s me told then. I’ll just go and get dressed so you can have your bed back to put all your lovers in.

He dumped his helmet and caduceus on the chair beside Apollo and shuffled away to get dressed.

“Nice one, mate, well done.” Dionysus clapped him on the shoulder and shook his head. “You really are a prized plonker. And on that note, I have places to be.” He gave a small wave and a smirk as he gracefully exited the room.

Artemis thumped Apollo. Again.

“Owww! What was that for?”

“Being a twat. I’m going to bed.” She stalked off to her own room, leaving him alone.

Feeling somewhat hard done by and abused, Apollo flopped back in the chair and pouted. A few moments later, a somewhat sheepish looking Hermes emerged, his clothes looking decidedly rumpled and his hair still all over the place.

“Have you seen my sandals?”

Apollo indicated the winged footwear in a heap next to the chair. Hermes sat down next to him, narrowly avoiding sitting on his helmet, which Apollo snatched off the chair just in time.

As Hermes straightened after tying his sandals and clutched his head, groaning. “I’m never drinking again.”

“I have warned you about spending too much time with Dionysus.”

Hermes whimpered slightly and leaned over, resting his head on Apollo’s shoulder. Apollo hesitated a moment before awkwardly putting his arm around him.

“If you are sick, it’s going in your helmet, just so you know.”

“You wouldn’t!” 

“I would, you already puked on me last night, I’m not letting you do it again.”

“Clotpole.”

“Dollophead.”

“’Smy word.”

“HERMES!” Zeus’s voice could be heard bellowing over the whole of Olympus. Hermes winced and buried his head in Apollo’s shoulder. “Tell him I died, yeah?”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [ART: 'I See You Baby, Shakin That Ass!'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10269350) by [LFB72](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LFB72/pseuds/LFB72)




End file.
